I don’t think I have a particularly interesting life…

Posted On June 9, 2020

The title of this post is in honour of my beautiful, committed, and hard working wife Deganit “Duggi”, who passed away at the age of 40 in January from complications of the flu.

She started on a vlog (video blog) in November where she said, “Basically, I don’t think I have a particularly interesting life, but recently a few people have told me that actually I do because I have 5 little children and I had them all within 8 years. And I have done all of this without help… basically I’ve done it on my own and life is pretty busy“.

Little did she know that almost 3 months later my life would turn upside down and was to become even more complicated than hers, and possibly interesting too. Not that I’m belittling her life. She was a wonderful and dedicated stay-at-home mother and wife. She has raised 5 amazing children, who are a credit to her, and all very special in their own ways. My job now is to continue to provide for, and to raise our children to the best of my ability.

This lone journey started in the early evening of January 23. Duggi had been in hospital for 12 days with a short, but potentially fateful visit home two days prior.

The doctors had intubated and sedated her that morning due to the severity of an infection in her lungs. She had moved back to ICU where she had started her stay in hospital.

I visited her after her transfer to ICU, I was distraught and alone, but honestly believed she was in the best possible care. Everything looked calm, and I spoke to my unconscious wife to reassure her I would visit her again in the evening. I kept my promise, but sadly during my return visit I was truely and physcially alone.

The hospital called in the early evening to tell me that I needed to come to the hospital. I had an uneasy feeling, but I was highly focused on getting to there, a drive of around 50 minutes. I called my parents, and told them to get the next flight out, regardless of the outcome… I needed them with me. I spoke to my wife’s cousin and a few other people during the drive, it helped me stay focused.

I arrived at the hospital and was told to wait outside the ICU, I’m not sure for how long, but when the doctor came he explained that they had perfomed CPR for some time, but unfortunately… the rest is history!

I was numb, I just kept thinking ‘how am I going to do this’. Eventually I was allowed in to say goodbye. Duggi looked like she was sleeping, but there was no life there. I spent probably a few hours with her. I also had a few friends and family that came to support me. The doctor had a few questions, but aside from that I heard nothing more from the medical team.

Eventually I accompanied Duggi to the morgue and was driven home.

Early in the morning of January 24 I had to do the hardest thing I had ever done. I had no chance to practice and there was no way out… I had to explain to our 5 barely awake children, whom all wanted their breakfast, that their mother had died. There was no sugar coating the situation, it was blunt, it was raw.

“I was with mummy at the hospital last night and she was very sick”, I started. “The doctors tried hard to save her, but she died. She didn’t want to die, but unfortunately she died”.

The conversation went on like this for a few minutes with social workers looking on, sharing our tears.

We spoke briefly about the funeral. I explained that mummy would be brought to the cemetery in a wooden box and we would bury her in the ground. My kids shouldn’t have had to deal with this, but again there was no choice.

Out eldest said that we had to publish her book, the book she had been working hard to finish. The kids had been helping her edit it.

It was 7:30 in the morning and as I finished explaining the situation to the kids my parents entered the house, after a 5 hour red-eye flight, and an almost 2 hour drive.

The rest of the day was a blur, I couldn’t focus on much, I felt utterly helpless. The house buzzed with people who weren’t ordinarily there. The older kids were distraught, while the younger ones continued as if nothing had happened.

Over 4 months on and a semi-routine is starting to form. There are good days, and there are bad days. There are good hours, and there are bad hours. Life is still very much day, by day.

We still talk about mummy daily, we watch videos of mummy, we listen to mummy singing and we read stories written by mummy. Mummy is very much part of our lives, but in a different way. There is less music in the house, less piano, less singing, less dancing, but sometimes we can be happy.

Do I have an interesting life? Well, I don’t think so, but I have to live it. Basically I’m doing it on my own (with a little help from my friends) and life is pretty busy…

But busy is good, busy doesn’t have time for thinking, busy gets me through each day.