World Mental Health Awareness Day
Today is World Mental Health Awareness Day; hence it seemed an appropriate title. However, the desire to write today was coincidental.
I haven’t written recently, and there seems to be a correlation between my lack of reflection and my mental state.
How am I? Good question. Life has become tough; a complex and dizzying balancing act that I’m increasingly struggling to cope with. Due to Lockdown 2.0, the kids are at home, and an increase in COVID cases and people in quarantine means I have less help than ever before. The monotony of everyday life is really starting to take its toll, and self-motivation is a constant battle. So, how am I? I’m really not coping so well. I don’t sleep well, and getting up in the morning is a challenge.
The older kids often ask how I am. It shows great empathy, but I simply tell them that it’s not easy for me; I don’t want to burden them with my problems. My late wife, Duggi, often said not to burden the kids with our concerns. In this situation, I definitely agree it’s not wise, the kids already feel a massive burden of life, so why should they need to worry about my issues also.
A few months ago, I wrote and recorded a video where I said I want to live, and this stands true. But there is living, and there is being stuck at home with five frustrated children. They confuse boredom and hunger and therefore frequently need to eat, especially the small ones. They fight much more and intentionally wind each other up as an activity.
It has also been a struggle to find the right person/people to look after the kids in the afternoon. In the first instance, I need to find people that I can relate to, and that can relate to our way of living. I also have to find people that can connect with the children; otherwise, I spend every evening fielding a list of complaints and trying to appease the children. They don’t like a person coming into the house that tries to change the status quo, and I personally tend to agree. Our house, our way! It’s a continuing cause for concern, a headache that I really could do without.
My youngest and only daughter is soon to turn 3; developmentally she is doing well, but she repeatedly tells me she is hungry. She never knows what she wants to eat and refuses most suggestions. Also, from day to day, her likes and dislikes change. Like any 3-year old she would happily eat rice and ketchup all day, but seriously that’s not an option. Thankfully I have a great dietician friend in Canada (we met in Malaysia in 2002 and have not seen each other since, but remained in contact) with whom I can consult. She suggested that it could be a normal reaction for her age, or that it could be more complex emotional issues due to losing her mother. She indicated that set meal and snacks times are essential, as if the kids are left to determine their own times for food, then it can blur the parent/child roles. She explained that the adult/care giver’s part is to decide what to eat, when, and where. The child’s role is to determine whether or not to eat and if so, how much or little. Then again, maybe I’m being a bit hard on myself, the other night I gave her a plate of salmon, whole grains and Pak Choy (with ginger and garlic), and she ate a little of everything. Followed by apple for dessert.
Tonight my neighbour offered me a lamb chop from his BBQ, this was one of Duggi’s favourite foods! I gave a little to my daughter to see her reaction, she asked for more. Like mother, like daughter, this could get expensive! Subsequently, she went on to eat rice with ketchup!!!
The image accompanying this post was captured this weekend, it shows the creativity of the kids. My 4-year old spent all morning constructing this sleeping place!